The Grim Reefer

WARNING:  This post will recount my adventure scuba-diving in the Great Barrier Reef.  I wrote this "post" on June 11th in my journal and saved it for another day when I had time to actually post it.  Because I wrote it on paper first, this post will be long and story like.  There will be a couple semi-explicit choice and words and will be longer than all my previous posts. You have been warned.

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I think Dickens described my experience best in Tale of Two Cities.  It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....We left port (Cairns) today at about 8:45 AM and it took us 90 mins. to get out to the reef.  I signed up for snorkeling and an introductory scuba dive.  Having been snorkeling once in my entire life and only knowing other people who have done scuba-diving, I was curious to see how things would go.  On the way out, they divided up the boat members to receive their proper instructions.  Aside from me, there were 7 other people doing the snorkel/intro dive package.  All 7 were German.  Not that this is a bad thing or that I have anything against Germans, I just felt it was a great time to exemplify the fact that everywhere I go, I encounter a travelling German.  9 times out of 10, if you see a foreigner in Australia, they are German.  Anyway, back to the Reef and team wienerschnitzl.  Our on board instructions for diving must have lasted 15 or 20 mins. This should have been my first clue that things would not go smoothly.  My 2nd indication should have been the things they were teaching us.  Instructions consisted on "Don't let go of the rope until I say so, pop your ears [equalize] as you go down, and this [hand gesture] means "I'm ok" vs "not ok,"  ....."Oh!  And you will need to learn 2 other important skills that we will teach you in the water before we go down.  Everyone got that?  Good, you're ready to dive!"

They split our 8 man party into two groups. While group 1 got situated and off, group 2 and myself were free to snorkel for 10 or 15 mins.  I'll be honest and say that this was the best part of my reef experience.  I saw some amazing fish and corral.  All different colors, sizes, and schools of fish swimming beneath my fingertips.  Snorkeling went smoothly.  For only having done it once, it was nice to know I could do it without major complications.  Now, I must admit, for as amazing as the reef was, it wasn't quite the extraordinary experience I was hoping for.  You see blue planet and all these other nature shows on T.V and you can't help but think you are going to see something of the same caliber.  I knew that wouldn't be reality, but for some reason I still got my hopes up a bit much.  Part of the reef where we were at, as I later discovered, had been very damaged by the invasive Crown of Thorns Starfish.  While expecting exuberant colored corrals and sea anemones, a decent portion appeared dull, broken off, and much like a shipwreck area.  Ok, so that's what I deemed from snorkeling, now it was time for group 2 to dive....

My 3 new German friends and myself suited up.  I step off the edge and plunge into the water.  So far so good.  Everyone gets in and we all hold on to the rope that extends down to the bottom of the reef.  Our instructor goes over our 2 new important skills.  Skill 1: blowing out the regulator and clearing it.  Simple enough (for now).  Skill 2: blowing our your nose while pushing slightly on the top part of your mask in order to get water out of the mask (in case it leaks water).  This skill seems a bit trickier, but we are told most masks won't leak and shouldn't be a problem, especially since we are only going down 12 m.  This, of course, doesn't mean anything to me.  Only going down 12 m huh?  What does it mean if we go down 14 m? How does that change things?  What about 9?  Doesn't matter; just dive.  2 Skills acquired: regulator works, mask is on (not leaking), and the rest is in the hand of the instructor.

We begin our decent and everything is fairly bliss at this point.  I'm the last one in the group, so I can see everyone below me, moving hand over hand down the rope.  With each downward hand movement, we should be "equalizing" and having our ears pop.  I attempt to do this, but each hand movement puts more and more pressure on my ears.  They won't pop.  As I begin to fall a little behind, I am instructed (by the key hand gestures we were taught) to speed up.  I do.  My spiral downwards coincides literally with my movement downwards towards Davy Jones' Locker.  I get further and further and the pain is excruciating.  Call me a wuss if you want, but until you're down 12 m in the ocean with only 20 mins. of instruction, you might start to worry too.  To fix my ears, I'm trying every trick in the book - the one they recommended (hold your nose and blow) is the one I'm trying the most.  Again, I have to criticize myself here.  This particular tactic for equalizing never works that well for me, but being the idiot I am, I am attempting this method over and over again.  The logic was that since they taught it, they should know best.  In hindsight, this was clearly the wrong choice.  Because I pinch my nose and am blowing somewhat frantically, it isn't too long before I've touched my mask enough to screw it up too.  I begin to take on water in my mask.  !#*!  This also perfectly coincides with when the group is letting go of the rope, joining at the hands in line and beginning our first baby strokes underwater in the open ocean.  Imagine my concern at this point for a second...20 tons of pressure (or whatever the PSI is at 12 m) pounding your ear drums and skull, your mask is filled with water, and now you're swimming away with the group in a direction you can't see because your mask is filled with water.  Fortunately, I'm at the end of the 5 man line, using my free hand to constantly play with my mask in order to try and blow out water.  I try and relax and implore my "acquired" skill 2.
Attempt 1: Fail
Attempt 2: Fail
Attempt 3: Partial Success
Attempt 4: Back to being full again - complete fail
At this point I'm basically freaking out and even the breathing becomes difficult.  You wouldn't think skill 1, breathing in and out of the regulator, would be any trouble, but when you're mentally forcing yourself to breath out your nose to force water out of your mask, well everything goes to hell.  Somehow, I taste salt water so now breathing isn't going so well.  This only lasts momentarily, but the new potential problem is quite alarming. I finally get the instructor's attention to try and get his help, or even better, have him send me back to the top.  Scuba-diving was going miserably well.  The instructor helps me to relax - he then readjusts my mask.  It works for a second after I blow water out, but in the next instance it fills back up.  My ears and head are throbbing, I can't see shit, and can't breath properly since I'm focusing so much attention on mastering "skill 2."  I didn't really think I was going to die, but it certainly didn't seem outside the realm of possibilities at this point.  Eventually, for what seemed ages (and was probably only 3-5 mins.) we get my mask on straight and I successfully blow out all the water.  Despite my slight panic attack, I can't help but feel like an idiot and a baby.  Of course, the lone American of the group is the only one who has trouble, and of course, he's the only one who freaks out.  I felt bad for holding up the group, but a bigger part of me didn't really give a rat's ass.  I almost died damn it! (or so I felt)

At this point, the instructor takes my hand and we swim the rest of the dive hand in hand, like father and son, or more appropriately, like angry instructor and huge liability.  Everyone else is swimming on their own.  I still feel like an idiot but am too exhausted to give it much thought.  Notice how I haven't mentioned anything about what I actually saw while I was diving?  Haha, I was a bit preoccupied.  Being towed around, we went through a gap in the reef and swam through a small canyon like area.  Despite my distanced mind, it was quite stunning and hard to believe that I was actually in the Great Barrier Reef seeing such things.  In reality, I didn't see any other wildlife different from what I saw while snorkeling, so that was a bit a of a bust.  No sharks, no turtles, - me floundering around was probably one of the more exciting things for other people to observe now that I think of it.  After 21 mins of breathing 100 lbs of air or so, I made it back to the top.  Thank the Lord.  I scampered back onto the boat like a dog with its tail between its legs.  Thank God is was over.

We proceeded to have lunch and after that I got another 45 mins to snorkel, my preferred way of seeing the reef.  On our 90 min. ride back to the port I was given a cheesy "Intro Dive" completion certificate.  Wow.  I consider it a "near-death certificate."  I'm exxaggerating, but I still can't help but feel a little sore about the whole thing.  I mean really...when I imagined myself seeing the Great Barrier Reef, this isn't how I saw it going.  All in all, it was a terribly great experience.  I saw the reef, I "scuba-dived" with 20 mins. of instruction, and got a certificate to prove it.  And best part of all, I've been lying on my side getting water to slowly drain out of my ear for the past 24 hours.  It has yet to become unpopped and clear of water.  Oh, and last thing, the company I went with said they are small and rely on word of mouth.  I'm pleased to tell you, if you're ever in Cairns, think twice before doing an intro dive with Cairns Dive Center.

Epilogue:  I ended up getting an ear infection from my dive.  I waited 2 and half days before finally seeing a Doctor.  I felt this was a fitting cherry on top for my adventure.